The Chemistry Between Us: How Differences Make Us Stronger

Hey Guys! Kyle Here. Let me start off by saying thank you for taking the time to read this post! I can’t guarantee that you will walk away from reading this feeling inspired, enlightened, and uplifted, but you might, and that is worth my time, and it should be worth yours as well.

I’ve recently been reflecting on my life and all that has happened in the past 7 months. 7 months ago Taylor and I started dating. It has been a wonderful adventure and in many ways has turned out to be better than I ever could have imagined. There are only 59 more days until our wedding and we honestly could not be more excited!

Having said that, there are some things about our relationship that took us by surprise, and, if viewed with the wrong eyes, could be seen as problems or even weaknesses to the overall strength of the relationship. These differences range anywhere from trivial matters such as how much pepper we prefer on our food to more important matters such as how we think about faith and family.  One of my main purposes in writing this post is to help you see clearly that differences, if viewed with the right eyes, can be discerned for what they truly are–opportunities to grow stronger.

Allow me to explain with this simple analogy. I’m currently a pre-dental student at Brigham Young University, and as such have taken quite a few chemistry classes. One of the earlier topics that we discussed a little less than a year ago was why alloys are stronger than pure metals. Pure metals are made of tightly packed atoms arranged in rows in a structure called a lattice.

lattice

The tight packing of atoms as shown above makes metals solid, however, the fact that they are all the same size allows for them to slide past each other with relatively little force. This is why pure gold is soft and why other metals such as sodium and potassium can be cut with nothing more than a butter knife.

Alloys are mixtures of two or more different metals that enhance qualities such as strength and resistance while retaining other qualities such as luster and shine. For example, the gold rings most married people wear is likely a combination of gold with other elements such as nickel and copper. If we look at the lattice structure of an alloy it is easy to see why they would be stronger than pure metals.

alloy

As you can see in the structure above, the atoms are still tightly packed together, but they are not all the same size and they are not perfectly aligned in rows like the pure metal previously mentioned. This formation strengthens the alloy. When a force is applied now, it is much more difficult for the atoms to slide freely past each other. This is why we use alloys such as steel to make tools and to build bridges and buildings.

So, what does this all have to do with dating, courtship, and marriage? Well, I’ve heard a lot of people express their opinion that they need to find the perfect match in order to be happy and successful. It is a generally concerted idea that if we fail to find our “soul mate” or we choose to marry someone who is too “different” than us, then we are doomed to a life of arguments and fights due to our “incompatibility.” We seem to have the idea that the person we marry should be a 100% “match” with us, whatever that means. They should like the same food we like, they should listen to the same music we listen to, they should think about things the same way, etc. The problem with this thought is that all opportunities for growth and variety are stunted. Plus, why would you choose to confine yourself to a life of boredom by looking for someone who is literally just an oppositely gendered version of yourself?

Now, I don’t want to get too extreme here. Please don’t misunderstand me. I’m not saying that couples shouldn’t share similar values, goals, and beliefs. I’m not suggesting that, if you are a monk, to go out and try to marry an ax murderer (however I’m also not saying that that would be impossible). What I’m trying to say is that too often we freak out at any little differences in opinion or lifestyle of our partners, which often leads to fights and in severe cases breakups and divorce. We get so comfortable in our own lattice structure that we refuse to let anything or anyone in that could risk messing up our perfectly aligned rows of lifestyle atoms–and that is where we go wrong.

You see, as beautiful and precious as pure gold is, it is simply not as strong or resilient as alloyed gold. Mixing different metals into it will always yield better results. The same is true with the strength of a relationship. If we are flexible enough to acknowledge and even welcome differences into our relationships, trying our best to incorporate them the way we feel works best for us, always trying to compromise and find the balance, then we will always come out stronger than before.

Taylor and I’s relationship is no exception. We used to get into pretty heated discussions about things and sometimes we still do. We think and respond very differently to certain situations. We aren’t completely different though. We share many common interests, goals, beliefs, and hobbies, always cherishing those moments that we get to spend together. When differences do arise though, we try to look at them for what they really are–opportunities to grow stronger. This requires good communication, listening, sacrifice and compromise, but it is well worth the effort. We always come out of disagreements understanding the other person more than we did, and loving them more because of it. One of the reasons why our blog is called Like PB&J is because like peanut butter and jelly, we are very different people that go well together:)

pbandj

Dating is not easy, but it’s worth it. Being engaged is not easy, but it’s worth it. I’m sure this pattern continues into marriage; it’s not easy, but it’s worth it. This is why I don’t like the phrase “falling in love.” The phrase implies that love takes no work; even more, that it is an accident. Falling in love and expecting the relationship to work out “just because” is like tripping during the olympic 100 meter dash and expecting to win the gold.

We will all encounter differences and disagreements during our time here on earth. We are relational beings by nature, and should expect such differences and disagreements. Our hope, simply put, is that you can look at the differences that arise between spouses, friends, foes, and neighbors as opportunities to improve. Look at what your partner brings to the table as a complement to what you bring to the table, learn from each other, encourage each other, and together you can become far stronger and sweeter than you ever could alone.

img_1877

img_1876

Love,

Kyle & Taylor

Lipsense Review

Is it just me or does everyone and their dog sell lipsense!? I hear about it EVERYWHERE! So naturally I had to give it a try. Here was my experience.

This is the color I used:

 

Instructions:

You have to prepare your lips before you put it on. I scrubbed mine a little before applying. Then they say you need to shake the bottle and apply very carefully. You do long strokes on both the top and bottom lips. Let dry 30 seconds between each coat. Be sure not to let your lips touch! I think three coats is pretty standard.

So if that is not complicated enough lets talk about how it feels. I am not kidding it is like straight alcohol. The first time I put it on it started to burn my lips. On top of that you have to keep your mouth open while the coat dries and all the fumes get in your mouth. bleck. But I continued.

Immediately after three dried coats here is what it looked like:

fullsizerender

I was really happy with the immediate color. It was bright and fun. I could kiss Ky with no smearing! BIG PLUS!

Then disaster stuck! After the three hour church block I went to the mirror to see how it was holding up and this is what I saw:

fullsizerender-2this was after four hours! Isn’t this suppose to last all day? I was left with this weird lip liner looking thing.

Excuse me while I hide under my bed.

The color on the edge was still good but the inside color was almost completely gone. Granted I was licking my lips a lot because the alcohol was drying up my lips so bad. They were drying than the Sahara Desert!!

I left it on though, because I wanted to give a complete and thorough review. At the end of the night here is what I had left:

fullsizerender-1practically nothing. And as you can see my lips are super dry! The skin on my lips was peeling by the end of the day. End result…save your money.

I was super bummed because I really wanted it to be good. Everyone was saying it was the best and I needed lip color that was going to last all day for the wedding.

Comment below and tell me what your favorite lip stain is! I am desperate!!

Love,

tay

t-shirts and jeans

Today was a glorious day! The sun was shining (which always seems glorious after months of gloom!) and the wind was BLOWING! Holy cow, I seriously thought our house was going to blow over. But we survived.

Here are some tips of how we like to dress up the classic t-shirt and jeans!

For the men:

pbj5
Buttons and color play a huge role in dressing something up or down. I love this button up shirt because it is still comfortable and fun but definitely more stylish than the normal grungy ole t-shirt.
pbj4
Colored , fitted jeans also change the entire look. So classy. Boy do I love a man that can dress nice #hearteyes

For the Women:

pbj3
I am such a weirdo, I love to tuck my shirts into my pant #grandma. But I feel like it makes it look like you atleast tried to get ready, even if you didn’t.
pbj2
My face creeps me out but bare with me! Adding a cover adds more dimension. I love layers. This is more of a “coming out of winter look” or “I’m freaking done with winter” but you could add layers like this with a short sleeve jacket or vest.
pbj1
I LOVE HATS! Not only do they cover my day 2 curly hair but they are just so fun! Hats and heels add so much to a simple outfit.

We would LOVE to hear how you guys dress up your t-shirt and jeans! Comment Below!

Love,

tay

Sunday feels

christ-and-the-lambSunday. A day of rest. A day to renew.

I take Sundays very seriously.

Especially as our weeks get busier and busier. My body and spirit crave that rejuvenation. That break from the craziness.  I’ll be honest, sometimes Sundays are a total let down. I end up being busier than a normal weekday, I don’t really get anything out of church, and I am falling asleep half the day. But today was nothing like that.

Church today was WOW.

There was a comment made in class that really made my ears perk up. She was talking about Zion…I AM OBSESSED WITH ZION.

*The obsession started about 3 years ago when I embarked on one of the most life-changing events that still impacts my life on a daily basis, my LDS mission. I served in Boston, Mass. with a mission president thats vision of Zion was 20/20. He taught us about having our hearts knit together with so much love and commitment that it was hard not have the same love and passion for it.*

Anyyyways! Back to church. She talked about how going through hard times and struggles helps us make it to our own little Zions here on Earth. One example she used was that of dating. Pretty classic for a singles ward. All the heartbreak that comes with dating, uncertainty and frustration, is followed by finding the one and getting married. Marriage in essence is (or can be) Zion. A place of refuge. A place where two people’s hearts are knit together in love and commitment and they are working towards one purpose.

Being with Kyle has been like finding Zion for me.

We also talked about Faith. The teacher (I wish I knew his name because he is my FAVORITE teacher!) asked what our definition of faith was. This one guy, Diego, raised his hand and said,

“I think faith is relying on your relationship with God. Because you have that relationship with God, you can trust him. Trust that he knows what’s best for you. Trust that He would never ask you to do something that you couldn’t handle. Trust that He loves you and wants you back home.”

I love that definition of faith. I also would add that Faith is SHOWING trust in God.  Faith is being elevated when we act in line with God’s will.

I left church feeling so full. Full of joy. Full of love. Full of the Spirit. I love that feeling.

Love,

tay

yes yes yes!

img_5758I was listening to the radio on my way to the temple this morning and the morning show was totally cracking me up! They were talking about the worst proposal stories. Women were calling in, who have been married 20+ years, who still hate the way they were proposed too. Guess it couldn’t have been that bad if they are still together! My favorite was the story of a guy who proposed while they were babysitting six 3 year olds! haha while they are sitting on the couch he asked if she wanted to get married. No getting down on one knee. No fancy words. NO RING! ROFL.

It made me reflect on my own engagement. Ours is in now way that bad, but it is pretty comical. I should preface the story by saying Kyle and I ARE the WORST secret keepers in the history of ever. It’s pretty bad. So Tuesday Jan. 17th comes around. I had a feeling all day that today was going to be the day. I had been expecting it would be soon because we had been ring shopping and it was only going to take three days to make the ring.  PLUS he was dropping hints ALL DAY! He would say, “Isn’t today just the perfect day?” or “I have to go back to my apartment to pick up something.” He even went as far as to tell me we were going to have a special date at the place where we had our first date. I seriously felt like I was looking at a big neon sign that said, “I AM PROPOSING TONIGHT!”

So that afternoon he went to class and I got ready so nice! I kid you not, I spent hours curling my hair and doing my makeup! I was so excited! He got out of class at 5 and he said he was going to be coming over soon! So I waited and waited and waited for an hour. At this point I am really getting ticked. and hangry. He finally calls and tells me he got hung up waiting for the mailman. Usually he comes in the afternoon but today he came at 6:30. But he assured me he had the ring. Surprised ruined. Needless to say…we did not get engaged that night.

So then everything we did made me so anxious because I knew he had the ring. Then Friday rolls around. My best friend was coming into town and I asked him if we had any plans because they wanted to get together that afternoon and have dinner together. He said oh no, we don’t have any plans. I said okay. So that morning I was kind of being lazy. I was chatting with my mom and laying in bed. I finally took a shower around 10:30 and I get a text from him that says, “Guess what!” I answered, “What??” and started blow drying my hair. he said, “Well stop blow drying your hair and I’ll tell you!” WHAT! I ran out of my room and he was standing in the living room with donuts. He was supposed to be at work until 2pm that day. It was then that I knew that today was going to be the day. I ran to my room and tried to hurry and get ready. Despite my efforts, I looked like a hobo.

Then he took me to some of our special places. The place where we would talk all the time. The place where we went on our first date. We had made it to four stops and by this time it had been almost three hours! I was dying. When was he going to do it!? He said we just have two more stops to take! He did not tell me that one of those stops was PARK CITY. Which was an hour drive-one way. Park City is where we had our first kiss, so I thought maybe he will propose there.

So we made it to Park City. We got out of the car, took a picture in front of our first kiss spot and got back in the car to drive the hour home. WHYYY!?? I was so annoyed. I even told him in the car, “Why didn’t you propose back there!?” Then I proceeded to fall asleep for the rest of the ride home. We finally made it to the last stop, 4 hours later. It was the back side of the Provo LDS Temple. We got out and walk for a minute and then he got down on one knee with the most beautiful ring. I don’t really remember all he said other than “Will you marry me?” I said YES YES YES! The question I had been waiting for all day!img_5755img_5767

Our proposal might not have been ideal but our relationship definitely is. I thank God everyday that he blessed me with such a selfless, hard working, loving, hilarious, adventurous, good looking guy. My life is infinitely better with him in it.

love,

tay

Our Love Story

In honor of Love day, I thought it would be appropriate to share my most favorite love story of all time. This is how pb+j came to be.

One fall day back in 2015, Kyle and I found ourselves at the right place at the right time. One of our friends was opening her LDS mission call. I can remember that night so vividly. Kyle was one of the only people that came over and sat by me. He sat right next to me and didn’t say a word. We look back and laugh at that now! He says he first saw me at church when we had a cereal munch and mingle activity. Anyways, that next week I get a missed call from an unknown number. Usually I don’t answer unknown numbers but luckily this one left a voicemail. I listened to it and it was Kyle asking me on a date! I really did want to go on a date with him so I called him back! Unfortunately the day he wanted to do something I was going to be at a family event. He didn’t get the memo to reschedule! haha classic! We didn’t cross paths again until April the next year.

In December I had started dating someone else. Things moved really fast and after a month we were talking marriage. Things ended just as quickly as they had started. I was heartbroken. I was so done with dating. I hated it. I was afraid that I would be hurt again. How was I ever suppose to know if the guy I was dating was serious? On the other hand, I just wanted to be married so badly. So I started flirting and going on dates with guys I already knew liked me. By March I knew I was in a serious rut. I needed a change. So I decided to do something I swore I would NEVER do…I moved to Provo, Utah.

I had a lot of friends and mission companions there, plus my sister lived there! It was an easy adjustment. A few weeks after I moved in I started dating another guy. This relationship, like the last, was short lived. It got really serious really fast and the flame died out quickly. But I am so thankful for that relationship because the guy I was dating just happened to be good friends with Kyle. While that guy and I were dating, Kyle and I had the chance to become quite good friends. After the break-up, Kyle and I remained best friends! To my dismay, I became his wing woman. He would bring me along with these other girls and then after ask my opinion. At first it was fun, until I realized how I felt for him. Soon I just wanted those girls to be me. We spent more and more time together. We would laugh and talk for hours about anything and everything. We would star gaze and adventure. One day we decided that we were going to get Costco Memberships. That night, while we were at Costco, I got a call from my friend Lindsey. She was asking if I wanted to go to dinner with her and another friend. I told Kyle I needed to be back early to go to the dinner then he said something that changed everything…”would you mind if I came? It could be like a date!” …in my mind,”WHAT WHAT!! Did he just say DATE!? ahhhhh die die die!” …what actually happened, “Yeah that would be fun!” Cool Tay. Very cool.

After that things got very messy. There was so much drama, as you can imagine with me dating one of his friends not too long ago. Kyle and I tried to stay away from each other to ease the tension. I didn’t text him for a whole week. But somehow we always ended up seeing each other. We just couldn’t stay away. He was my best friend. So one night in Park City while we were visiting his cousins, we made it official. It was a really hard decision but was 100% worth it. This relationship was so different than the rest. We were still best friends, talking about everything, testing each other, serving each other, learning and growing together. We still did everything together. Things just flowed so naturally. I always joked that I would know the guy I was going to marry if we could make it past three months. I had never dated anyone longer than three months! haha! Well 6 months later we got engaged and April we will be married! And we couldn’t be more excited!

Love,

tay

Winter Vacation

We had such a fun and BUSY winter break! We started the break going down to Arizona and visiting family. It is so nice that we are both Arizona kids. Christmas was so special! This was the first Christmas that we had spent together and it couldn’t have been better. And I admit it, Kyle is such a better gift giver than I am! He set the bar pretty high! We celebrated Christmas together before we went down to Arizona. Before we went to Arizona we made a list of all the food places that we had missed. Yes, yes we did plan our trip around the food…and family of course. hehe. We ate so good. We went to comedy clubs, family parties, hot tubed, ate some more unhealthy but oh-so-delicious food, and snuggled. We like to snuggle.

0ac884ed-76f2-4ddf-a72c-ad31d2164095

The day after Christmas, we packed up the trailer and headed to the Sand Dunes in California. This was Kyle’s first time to the Dunes. I am a dunes junky, heck all of us Southworths are! We road quads, a jeep, ate junk food, and hot tubed. I guess hot tubing was kind of a theme. It was so much fun!

img_5674img_5675

A few days later we flew home to Utah, but the adventure did not stop there. Next stop was Park City. Kyle’s uncle owns a house there and a bunch of his cousins were all hanging out. We happily crashed the party! They had picked up some amazing fireworks and our show that night was incredible. The most hilarious part was when all of his boy cousins decided to have their own dance party. LOL. We played tons of games, ate tons of food, went sledding, hiked around the house and hot tubed. Classic. On New Years we went over to his grandparent’s house for dinner with most of his aunts and uncles. They are such an amazing family.

img_5657img_5654img_5653img_5664img_5669img_5652

We were not prepared for the break to be over, but with all things, life keeps moving forward whether we are prepared or not!

love,

tay